a palm tree in christmas lights
by shiksa goddess
Summary: Because maybe someday, she'll want a real Christmas tree and a real family to go with it/or, how to spend Christmas with a popstar. Established Auslly


**title: a palm tree in christmas lights**

**inspiration/playlist: Weave Lace Out of Light, When I Dream With You by singyourmelody (seriously go read that it's perf), Rainbow Veins- Owl City, Ho Hey- The Lumineers**

**disclaimer: don't own**

_**2021**_

Miami, she knows, has a low of 78 degrees today.

Here, in New York, she hasn't felt anything above fifty since they arrived on Monday.

She misses Christmas in Miami, chilly at most, maybe hoodie-wearing weather, but her dad would always string up twinkling lights and little sprigs of holly and other various decorations and played holiday songs and even with the lack of snow, the Christmas spirit was evident.

She'd thought that she'd have the same feeling here in New York, with an added bonus of snow.

She couldn't believe just how utterly wrong she'd been.

The snow was hell on Earth to her thin, Floridian skin and body. She hadn't gone out since they'd arrived that Monday.

Not that she'd really have anywhere to go, anyways.

_You're doing this for Austin. It's only four more days._ She thinks bitterly to herself, trying her best to ignore the blatant lack of Christmas spirit in the hotel room.

She loves Austin Moon, she really does, and she _knows _he loves her right back, but this is their fifth Christmas as a couple, and her fifth Christmas alone in a hotel room.

It's her fault, partly, that Austin's always so busy, with press conferences and photoshoots and international tours and such, because she _was _the one writing these hit singles, you know, but she knows he's living the dream he always had and she can't ruin that for him.

So she makes herself hot cocoa and watches Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer every Christmas and doesn't tell him a thing about her unhappiness.

But, as she stares vacantly at the hotel's complimentary Christmas tree (a bamboo plant string with two measly silver ornaments), she realizes just how much she misses having a real Christmas morning.

Because she loves this life she has, filled with flashing cameras and rolled-out carpets and her husband on magazines but sitting alone in various suites in various cities across the world are not memories she'd look back on fondly when she got older.

Maybe she wants a warm cozy fireplace and mistle toe kisses. Maybe she wants Christmas lights strung up on a rooftop and stupid little inflatables out on her front lawn.

And god damn it, maybe someday she'll want a real Christmas tree! With real pine needles and ugly arts and craft ornaments! Maybe she'll want a real Christmas morning and a real family to spend it with!

She opens her eyes, unaware that she'd been clenching them shut.

It didn't matter what she wanted, she was stuck here.

And she'd just have to accept that.

/

He feels terrible about leaving her alone every Christmas. It's the price that comes with international fame- you never really get a day off.

Every year, he makes a promise to himself that they're going to be home for the holidays, but that's another price he pays- his schedule really isn't his choice. And suddenly it's December 24th and they're on a flight to London or Dubai or New York and another year is gone.

"Jimmy, Ally and I are already twenty-five. We're not getting any younger." He'd complained that morning on the way to Rockefellar Plaza. "Why can't we just have one Christmas to ourselves? I know that's what Als wants."

Jimmy sighed. "Austin, you knew being a superstar wasn't going to be easy, but you signed that record deal, and you have to fill the responsibilities. You're living the dream, Austin!"

He nodded forlornly and stared back out the window of the limo.

Jimmy shot him a sympathetic glance and place his hand on the blonde's shoulder.

"Besides, if Ally doesn't want to be alone, why doesn't she come along with us? She's always welcome."

"I know. But she doesn't like going out in the cold very much. Besides, I guess the hotel rooms are closer to home than backstage."

_Next year, Ally. I promise. _

/

The limo drops him back off at the Four Seasons at around six that evening. The snow crunches under his sneakers, and he can see every breath he takes in the cold air.

His wife, his beautiful Ally is curled up in a fetal position on the leather couch, fast asleep, brown curls splayed out on the left arm.

He smiles and crouches down beside her, carressing her pale cheek with the pad of his thumb.

He misses her every Christmas. Matter of fact, he misses her every second she's not by his side.

"Hey." She blinks, stretching her arms and yawning.

"Hey yourself." He grins.

She turns over onto her side, her back to him.

He frowns. "Als, you okay?"

When she turns towards him again, her face is streaked with tears.

His heart sinks.

"Ally, babe, what's wrong?"

A sob escapes her mouth. "I just... I hate this. I hate being alone every Christmas. I hate the hotel rooms and the stupid snow and I hate missing my parents and Trish and Dez and I hate missing you because I love you so much and I know that's why I'm doing this in the first place but I just _hate _it and I despise that bamboo plant with every fiber of my being because I want a _real _Christmas tree."

She talks a lot when she's sad, he knows.

Actually she talks a lot period.

But especially when she's sad.

"I'm sorry." He says miserably, not knowing how to respond.

He's sad now,too.

"Maybe you should go." He suggests, the words nearly choking him.

"Maybe you could be happier with someone else."

She stares at him as if he's crazy (which is probably true).

"Why in the world would you say that?"

"Because I want what's best for you, and clearly, that's not me."

She shakes her head, laughing at his utter stupidity. "Austin, why do you even think that?"

He takes her hand. "Ally. You are the _best _thing that's ever happened to me and the best part of me. But I know. I know you want sparkling Christmas lights and a pine needle tree and someday, kids running down the stairs to see their presents under the tree and oh my _God, _Ally, you do not know how much I want to give that to you.

But the way my life is..."

He clears his throat and blinks in attempt to hide his tears.

"The way _I _am, I'm never going to be able to do that. And that's not fair to you. If I love you- which I do, I love you like crazy- then I should want you to be happy. "

She lifts herself up off the couch, knitting her eyebrows and repeatedly shaking her head, so confused and angry and heartbroken at the same time.

"No.. No. Austin. You're so stupid sometimes."

She stands up. "I'm not an idiot. I knew what I was getting myself into you the moment I accepted your marriage proposal, but I said yes for a reason, Austin. I made _vows. _And I don't plan on breaking them either."

"Ally, I..." He begins. She puts her palm up in frustration. She wasn't done.

"I love having a real Christmas, and I miss it, and I don't like the way I've had to spend these it the past few years. But the thing I always miss most is _you. _I love you, Austin Moon, and I'm not going anywhere. You can't get rid of me that quickly."

They sit in silence for a few moments.

She loved to hate these kind of moments. Their marriage usually came straight out of a fairytale, but there were times where they had to come back down to reality.

Kept 'em human.

He doesn't say anything more. He just wraps his arms around her and she melts into his chest.

"It's a stupid thing for me to want, anyways." She says, muffled by his leather jacket.

"No, no, Ally. Nothing you do or say is stupid. It's a beautiful thing to want, and someday, I'm going to give it to you."

That night, they cuddle and watch _Frosty the Snowman _five times and eat greasy pizza from the place down the street and it's such an unorthodox Christmas, nothing like her dreams, but it's _theirs _and she's going to be happy with it if it kills her.

/

_**2024**_

It's Monica's first Christmas, and it's Austin and Ally's first Christmas in Miami since they got married. The Sonic Boom is decorated with lights and holly- like always- and her house is, too.

"Is this what you wanted, Als?" He gives her a quick grin, pulling a silver-wrapped present out from under their six foot pine tree.

She puts her hand on her four-months-pregnant belly. "This is more."

And she knows he has interviews tomorrow with Miami Mack, and that they could be in Tokyo next Christmas. And maybe her kids aren't old enough to believe in Santa or come running down the stairs, but that was okay.

_This_ Christmas was perfect.

_-fin- _

**A/N God what the hell am I doing don't look at me the corndog and I are ashamed of life (If you happen to be following me on tumblr you will understand the reference I just made) but seriously this sucks so much and it's like February why am I writing Christmas fics idk I just really wanted to write this. **

**If you review you'll get a corndog. **

**(:Tessa:) **


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